Worked out today but ruined it all when I came home and ate like I had been wandering in the desert for forty years. What’s wrong with me? I make it a point of pride never to blame anything on “hormones” but dammit I’M CHALKING THIS ONE UP TO HORMONES. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Or it could be I’m just really, really anxious about getting into university and I’m scared that I’m never going to find something I really want to do with my life. Jack of all trades, master of none. Aimless, listless, useless.
How do people DO this? I want to major in something that will let me travel all over the world, because when I’m standing still, I’m miserable; physically and mentally. I’m not good with settling in one place. Honestly the only time I’m happy is when I’m moving. I want to see things, do things that I never could imagine in my wildest dreams.
I want a place to call home that I can return to when I need to rest and stock up on energy, but that’s it. Not some place that I come home to day after day after day after doing the same mind-numbing 9 to 5 job.
I’ll need skills, vital skills. Language, perhaps. I can become a translator. It would be so easy for me to learn Urdu or Arabic, I just need to sit down and LEARN. Perhaps I can join one of those study abroad programs where I can learn Urdu or Arabic? I can speak Urdu, albeit brokenly, and I can read it somewhat, I just need to increase my vocabulary and start practicing reading it. I can write and read Arabic (only when there is perfect tashkeel-punctuation) so it wouldn’t be a stretch for me to start learning Arabic. American Sign Language. I took ASL I and II in high school, and I took a class in college (although I never completed it) and I tutor in fingerspelling and basic conversational skills…hmm. I thought about becoming a sign language interpreter but I don’t know.
Wouldn’t it be great if we could just download skills into our minds a la The Matrix? Yeah, I know, it would be horrible. We would be even more lazy than we are now. Skills would have no value if ANYONE could have them. No work, dedication, or discipline required.
Well I’ve rambled on enough. I’ve felt so horrible these past few days. I really don’t like feeling like this.