My grandmother, whom we lovingly referred to as Nani Jaan, just passed away on Thursday. Her funeral was Friday. It’s slowly starting to hit me that I’m never going to see her again in this life. I just shoo’d the cat off the table because I was afraid he was going to pick at Nani’s leftover anda and roti (eggs and bread) but there was no anda and there was no roti. I’m never going to be able to make a cup of chai for Nani or roll my eyes when she asks me where I’m going or when I’ll be back. My mom always said we’d miss her when she’s gone but I didn’t believe her. I hope she forgave me for anything bad I ever did to her. I wish she was here so I could do everything over again and not get so impatient with her.
I slept for 16 hours yesterday. All the stress and lack of sleep for the last two weeks finally hit me. I can’t even imagine what my mom and her brothers and sisters are going through, losing their mom. That’s their mother. No matter how hard we try we can never replace our mother. Once she’s gone she’s not coming back to this life. It’s us who have to join her in the akhirah, in a good place, the best place insha Allah.
I’m glad though, that she went peacefully in the last 10 days of Ramadan. Her janaazah was on the final Friday of Ramadan. There were so many people at the funeral prayers. She was a strong woman, and well-loved.
I miss her. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for her. None of us in this family would.
Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon. To God we belong and to Him we shall return.